Saturday, March 24, 2018

Generic Etsy Success Guide Hype Post!

#GirlBoss! Lean in! #Hustle! Girl power! The future is female! // Katy Belcher

Hey, you! Do you want to be your own boss and never sleep again ever? Do you want a life with ~meaning~? Quit your day job and take your Etsy to the next level! Because work that's all about your special snowflake interests and hobbies is inherently more praiseworthy and of higher moral standing than a boring job working for other people!

These days I wipe my ass with $100 bills, but I started out as a mere peon just like you! I have plenty of heartwarming stories about making negative income on my shop and eating cup noodle and I will periodically pull one out to remind you that I'm a relateable, real person. See, if the secrets I'm going to sell you for $250 / month worked for me, they'll work for anybody!

It'll be hard work though, which I'll tell you to make it sound like my hype project will DEFINITELY propel you to success. If you just work hard and bootstraps yourself, you'll be successful! And if you're not, you either did something wrong or you don't want it hard enough!

I might even drop a couple of f-bombs throughout my otherwise bland PR hype to make it seem like I'm more unique than I actually am, and to give the impression that I'm "keeping it real." Or I might not and opt for the more saccharine mode. It depends: am I targeting hip young Millenials or am I targeting frustrated (possibly single?) mothers? Either way I'm probably targeting women. I guess it makes sense that women would want to opt out of a workplace culture where they get paid, on average, less money to put up with, on average, more bullshit. Which puts them in the perfect emotionally vulnerable spot to buy my expertise!

The one thing I won't own up to is that I sell items that are light on resources and often easily replicable (digital downloads, printable art, raw supplies), or that maybe I outsource to printers or drop ship my stuff. Maybe I'm even straight up reselling off of Alibaba. But never mind that! Surely the tips that work for my store that's based on bulk orders of inexpensive things that I can print again and again also apply to your store full of painstakingly handcrafted one-of-a-kind artisan goods. And try not to think about the fact the course costs $250 a month, and that earlier I boasted of 800 monthly subscribers. That's nothing to worry your pretty little head about.

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